Stars Can Tell
by Zaedah
Summary: She liked to imagine that he was becoming more content with life on Earth. VegetaBulma.


**Stars Can Tell**

"Vegeta?" Bulma called softly from the doorway. Her Saiyan Prince was standing in the yard, searching the skies for some unknown answer. Like he so often did. She used to ask him what he was trying so hard to find, only to watch him storm away. So she stopped asking. Tonight the question fought to leave her lips. He'd been so quiet lately, more distant, though less volatile than he usually was. She liked to imagine that he was becoming more content with life on Earth, but there were still those nights when his thoughts took him from her warmth and brought him to the solace of the night sky. Maybe he'd talk this time. Maybe he was ready.

She came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She felt him relax slightly and it made her smile. So much had changed. Her comforting arms were more often welcomed than turned away. But his guardedness hadn't changed. Vegeta looked back at her and then returned his gaze to the stars.

"Tell me what you're looking for."

He dropped his gaze to the ground with a sigh. "I don't know anymore."

"What can I do?" She whispered, knowing accepting anything from her was difficult. But he was learning.

He shook his head, giving no reply. Bulma moved to stand before him, bringing her arms up to surround his neck. Those onyx eyes held no anger, only questions she feared she couldn't answer for him. His hands rested on her hips and pulled her closer. Bulma responded by brushing her lips to his, letting the touch tell him of her love. When he pulled away, the remoteness remained in his eyes and she prepared herself for the inevitable. He would leave her. That was his way, after all. She'd get too close and he'd build his walls higher still. Vegeta would create a distance between them that would take her days to bridge. And the skies would call him from her side, begging him to return to their darkness. Without her. The tears she knew he hated began to form.

"Please don't leave." She begged. He looked surprised by her words, but said nothing. She sniffed back her tears and decided to dive in headfirst into her fear. "When you watch the skies, I'm afraid you miss what you had out there. I'm scared that you feel space is where you belong."

"Is that what you think I'm looking for? Home?"

"Isn't it?" She demanded.

Vegeta ignored her argumentative tone. Instead he stepped away from her and lifted his eyes to the blackness above them. "Maybe." He conceded. "But I know it's not there."

"Where is home, then?" Bulma pressed.

He simply shrugged. "I don't know."

"You're not satisfied with being here?"

"I didn't say that." His voice was a million miles away, along with his heart, she decided.

"You don't have to, Vegeta." She gestured to the twilight before them. "The way you watch these skies, I can just imagine how desperate you must be to get off this planet."

"I won't fight with you tonight..." He interrupted, but she paid no heed.

"And you would leave Trunks and I behind, since being here goes against everything you wanted…"

"Woman, you have no idea what I want." A hint of his natural fury ignited in his eyes and she shuddered. This is the Vegeta she was accustomed to. Not the silent type, the aggressive, arrogant Prince that fought her every step of the way.

She hadn't meant to anger him, not that it was hard to do. But her words just kept coming. "I would if you'd tell me. But you won't trust me. Or even admit you care about me."

In the face of her accusation, his features took on a defeated look. But rather than close himself off to her, he moved back to her, taking her chin in his hand and raising her eyes to his. He took a deep breath and she froze, waiting for the worst. "I'm not leaving."

She let out a stifled cry at his words. "Do you know how much I love you?" She watched his eyes, hoping to see belief there. But the sadness she'd seen earlier returned.

"I wish I could accept that. But you don't know what I've done…"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You're not the same man you were when we met."

"You don't know that." He challenged, backing away to once again put distance between them.

But Bulma was determined to make him understand. She closed the gap, standing directly in front of him and bringing a hand to his face. "Yes I do. The Vegeta I knew years ago wouldn't have stayed here for his family, much less died for them. I know you did horrible things under Frieza. But I also know you had very little choice…"

"No." Vegeta cut her off. Yet again he removed himself from her presence as if she was burning him. "You don't understand. I had a choice. I destroyed planets that hadn't yet crossed his mind. I took pride in the massacres I committed."

Bulma shook her head at his declaration, not wanting to believe him. "It was an escape from your captivity under Frieza. But that's not who you are now."

"I am just as much his creation now as I was then. My hands are no less bloody with time. You wonder what I look for out here." His eyes left hers and turned back to the darkness. "Peace. Some days I can hardly hold onto this rage he put in me. If I concentrate hard enough, I win the battle. But if I lose control, I will hurt you."

Bulma fought for her voice. "You seek the stars to keep control over your darkness. But if you could let go of the past…"

His tone held a dangerous edge. "It won't let me go. It's in my head, my dreams. Everything I do comes back to it to remind me of what I am."

"And what is that?" She asked quietly, knowing the answer. Everything she and her friends once thought.

He gave voice to her thoughts. "A murderer. Frieza's monster."

"And was that the life you would have chosen? I've heard the stories of his cruelty. And I see the scars on you that tell me they're true. He stole you from your family, destroyed your planet and made you a slave to him. Would you have joined him voluntarily?"

"Of course not."

"Then how can you blame yourself for the things you did under his command."

Vegeta's frustration level was clearly reaching its max. He walked away from her but called over his shoulder, "I told you, I don't want to argue tonight."

Bulma chided herself for pushing him like this, but her heart told her it was better for them to fight, since it was the only time he'd let things slip. Normally, Vegeta would never mention Frieza's name, but if she could just push a little more…

"When will you stop doing this to yourself?" She asked as she followed after him.

He stopped, turning back to her with a fury in his eyes that would have immobilized any other mortal.

"When you stop doing this to me. I never blamed myself for anything until I met you. You're the one that gave me this guilt. And I don't know what to do with it."

Just when she swore she couldn't cry anymore, the tears came pouring down. No, he never knew remorse for his actions until he came to earth. No wonder he carried so much venom towards her some days. How much more had knowing her put on his shoulders? She turned away from him, aware how weak she appeared to him.

Between sobs, she choked out her words. "I'm sorry. So sorry. Please don't hate me."

The strong arms that circled her caught her by surprise. He held her while she released her own guilt for adding to his pain. Once the tears subsided, she looked up into the eyes of her Prince. "Can you ever be content here?"

"I don't know what contentment is. I used to think the stars would show me. But they only remind me of what my life had been."

"But you still look to them for answers?"

"I used to look for my home out there. Now I look for a reason to make this my home."

"And have they given you a reason?"

"No." He turned away from the blackness. "But you do. When you try to convince me I'm not who I was. When you touch these hands like they'd never taken a life."

"But it's not enough, is it? You still won't let me in." She consciously took his hands in hers.

"I just…" He hesitated, trying to express what his pride wouldn't let him. "I can't"

"But sometimes you want to?" When he allowed the slightest nod, she continued. "Then why fight me? Why hide so much from me?"

He looked down at their joined hands. "Because I don't deserve you and one day you'll know that. And if I…allow you to matter, you'll be taken from me. That is the way of things for me." He released her hands with a shake of his head.

What could she say to that? She watched him power up and take flight into the darkness. She didn't try to stop him, didn't call after him as she used to. It never worked in the past. She knew the emotions were overwhelming him and he needed to escape to regain dominance over them. Bulma sat on the grass and looked heavenward, feeling an odd mix of worry and gratitude. He said he wouldn't leave, so she refused the panic that threatened to break her. She focused on being thankful for how much he finally told her. It was so hard for him to explain anything he felt, choosing instead to push her away. But he let her in far more tonight than ever before. How he saw himself, what he feared, why he denied what he felt for her. Everyone he loves dies. It was as simple as that. And what on Earth could she say to combat that line of reasoning. Certainly history declared him right. His parents, his entire race, and who knew how many others he'd lost in his time with Frieza. Bulma watched the stars twinkle and prayed for her love to return to her. And she prayed for the right words to assure him his past was the last thing on her mind. Only their future matters.

As the dawning day began it's approach, Bulma sighed heavily. No sign of Vegeta after several hours of waiting. But this was familiar territory. Waiting for him had become something of a pastime. Still, he was worth waiting for. In her mind, Bulma called to him, begging him to come back to her. Over the last few years, she'd sworn he could hear her thoughts, so it seemed worthy of a try. She'd broken through another notch this time. He'd given her the indication that loving her, in his mind, meant losing her. As much as she hated his believing that, it was progress that he shared it. Vegeta did care, but he feared caring. Her brave, stubborn warrior feared loving her, not because it would bring him down to mortal level, not because she was unworthy. Because he didn't want to lose her. How to get him past that, she hadn't a clue. He had to come home first.

Bulma stood, turning back to the house. As her eyes caught the door, they landed on the well-defined form of her Prince. He was leaning against the door; arms crossed and scowl firmly set. And her heart dropped. That look meant disapproval. He looked every inch the royalty that he was. Though he no longer had a planet to rule, he still carried an air of regal authority that made people think twice before approaching. Thinking twice herself, the need to be near him won out and she walked to the door.

His impossibly dark eyes never left her as she made her way to him. She stood before him, unsure whether a touch or a word would set him off so she ordered her limbs and lips to hold still. He seemed to sense her hesitation and his suddenly downcast eyes gave the only apology she could expect from him.

"I missed you." She whispered.

"I wasn't far." He returned quietly.

Bulma smiled sadly. "You're always far from me, Vegeta. But I will always be here for you."

"I know."

"Do you?" She asked sincerely, not wanting to upset him. "I won't betray you, or judge you or leave you if it's in my power to stay." She took his hands in hers once more, waiting for him to pull away. He remained still, which gave her the courage to move on. "I'll try not to ask for anything you can't give, but you have to trust that my love is real."

He shook his head slowly. "You wouldn't say that if you knew everything."

"Try me." She implored. "Give me the chance to prove you wrong."

Vegeta brought a hand to her cheek, gazing at her with a mix of regret and something close to affection. "I can't."

"You said I had no idea what you wanted. Tell me."

But his frustration returned. "No more questions." He moved away from the door to let her pass. She cursed his reserve, but told herself to simply be grateful he came home. Nodding her acceptance, she opened the door and stepped through. Turning back to him, Bulma held the door for him. Reluctantly he followed.

She continued through the house, not stopping until she reached their room. Bulma waited for Vegeta to enter before closing the door. He stood silently at the window as the first rays of daylight struggled to peek through the clouded sky. As she'd done so many times before, Bulma stood just behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. There was nothing more to be said this night. Nothing that wouldn't produce an argument. So she turned to the stars he loved and merely prayed. And wondered if sometimes, he didn't do the same. Only the stars can tell.


End file.
